Ever since I wrote this post about wanting to get back into blogging, I have been reflecting on my “why.” Why is it that I feel so called to write in this way? And when I say “in this way” I mean so unlike I do everything else. I crave a detachment from outcomes, results, achievement, and judgement. I want to blog just because. While it is also about wanting to share healthy living information and inspiration with others, at the end of the day, I simply want to enjoy the process.
I remember sitting in my therapist’s office over ten years ago telling her about my plan to start a healthy living blog. I explained that if it wasn’t something I would document and post on the internet, then it wasn’t something I would do. Let’s just say at the time, I was engaging in some not-so-healthy behaviors, and I believed my blog and the world wide web could help hold me accountable (I go more into my story in my Counting Colors online course). Oh how naive I was! We all know the boundaries between what we show on social media and real life are not that blurred. My blog did positively influence my life in many ways; I believe it set the stage for building a career around health and wellness. Maybe on some subconscious level that is what I was hoping it would do. The difference now, however, is that I want to get back to blogging’s original simplicity without the need that it will lead to something. That to me is very liberating. Even as I type that I am able to take a big, deep breath.
Another activity that gets me in the flow is food photography. This also stemmed from my early blogging days as I was constantly taking photos of my food to post, yet never very happy with the way these pictures turned out. I would look at more polished pictures on others’ blogs and started to work on my skills. I took a couple of photography courses, read books, and practiced every day. It is still something I practice, and sometimes my perfectionist tendencies resurface, but the majority of the time it is all about the process. I love everything about it from the styling to the taking to the editing. Sometimes I hear myself say “work it” to my pumpkin muffins. I once thought I wanted to incorporate food photography into my business, and even got a paying client, but as soon as money and someone else’s expectations became involved, it lost its joyful luster. I promised from then on to keep photography to myself, and it has remained a pastime that makes me feel so present.
It’s funny, because with every post I write, my inner critic still rears its ugly head. Negative self-talk such as “what is the point,” and “who will even want to read this” keep coming up. The difference now however, thanks to my awareness work over the years, is that I am able to recognize it as fear and ego. I quietly have a conversation with this voice, reminding it of my intention, and kindly tell it to go away. I believe this voice is the reason why I stopped writing all of those years ago, and I use this hindsight perspective to persist. On the other side is a softening; a joy and sense of self-empowerment. That is what I call growth my friends!
Is there something you do simply for the process of it?
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