I’m currently sitting in a Starbucks. It is my first time working from a coffee shop in probably over a year. Before Covid and then having kids, you could find me writing away in a cafe on a weekly basis. It’s always where my entrepreneurial brain felt most creative. At home, I get too distracted by the endless list of chores and to-dos. Laundry, dishes, and checking my email always took precedence over anything productive. Coffee shops are peppered with people – fellow entrepreneurs, students, young professionals either working solo or engaged in stimulating conversations. Even when there is a lot going on around you, the energy seems to encourage motivation and focus. At least it does for me.
I’m almost six months postpartum and slowly emerging from my baby bubble. While I have hung up my entrepreneurial hat for the most part, I have recently felt this need to be creative. Creative alignment has always been a bigger piece of my holistic health puzzle than I give it credit for, and in the last six months, this slice of my pie has gone largely ignored. Physical, mental and emotional limitations have left little room to think about anything else besides feeding schedules, diaper changes, preschool pick-ups, and potty training my three year old. When I get some time to myself (which is a non-negotiable), I would rather work out, make myself a nutritious meal, read for pleasure, or even watch reality television than sit at a computer and use my brain. Not only that, I actually want to be present with my children and husband. I have never felt so far removed from email and social media, and it feels pretty amazing. I don’t miss the hustle, grind, or anxious way I operated for the past ten years. Not even a little bit.
And yet. Even amidst the baby snuggles, slow mornings, and stroller walks (all of which I love), I still felt like there was a part of me that was missing. Thinking of getting back into blogging was confusing for me because I actually don’t want to create more work for myself, especially when I am not getting paid for it. Why would I spend time writing a blog post that very few people will read when I could be taking an exercise class or going on a walk with a friend instead?
And yet. What I longed for was the feeling of creative flow and alignment. Anxiety doesn’t exist in such a state, and I realized that any associative anxiety was a result of self-imposed pressure. So what would happen if I simply and slowly dipped my toe back into a creative space? Not only could I do something for the process, but I could actually have fun without worrying about results or other people’s opinions.
So I set up a new photography space in our garage, and you know what? It is my ideal photography set-up. At a certain time of day, the light is a dream, there is room to move around, and my photos are turning out better than expected. I am not over here wanting to start a food photography business (yet!), but I am just baking and photographing for the hell of it.
(Fun fact: the first food I photographed in my new space were these blueberry muffins I bought at Whole Foods. I just wanted something to photograph without having to bake something. It was a necessary small first step to get me over a hump!).
It has been a few days since reigniting my creative outlet and I already feel a little lighter. My mood has improved, my nervous system has regulated, I am more present with my family, and have avoided turning to some of my unhealthy habits (i.e. wine and sugar). I have written about tapping back into creativity before, and what I have realized is that creativity isn’t linear. It can ebb and flow with various seasons of life. This gives me hope. Over the past six months I may have said that chapter of my story was closed; when you’re deep in the newborn phase, it almost feels as if that is the way it will be forever (it’s not). If you are someone who feels stuck, creatively blocked or burnt out, the only way out is through. Give yourself grace and rest, and return to it when the timing is right.
