In January of 2023, about a week after I found out I was pregnant with our second child, I had a reading with an intuitive astrologer. I had scheduled a session with her because I felt lost professionally and blocked creatively. While I was so happy to be pregnant (after six months of trying), the news threw an additional wrench in my career path plans to figure out what was next. We briefly talked about the pregnancy during our reading, and she said she believed it was going to be a girl; that this baby was going to help me heal my feminine wounds, which in turn would help to clear the blocks I had around creativity, abundance, and alignment.
During the past six weeks postpartum, I keep thinking about what she said. I would have thought a newborn would create a bigger block, but I am finding the opposite to be true. I am actually noticing my creativity reemerge, and in an even more authentic way. In addition to breastfeeding and bonding with my baby, I am also craving that feeling of flow, content creation, and doing what I love on a daily basis. A former version of myself might have thought I would have to choose between the two, but now I know there can be the best of both worlds. But let me be clear – those worlds are not balanced; they are disorganized and chaotic and messy. My house is rarely clean, and boundaries around work and parenting are often blurred. Sometimes that looks like being in the middle of writing a blog post, but then suddenly having to stop to get my toddler a snack. Or I am testing a recipe, but then have to put the baking on pause for preschool pick-up. My creative efforts have to happen in fits and starts, shorter spurts, and that is okay. I can only do the best that I can, with what I have, where I am.
What’s beautiful is that my mindset around motherhood and work continues to evolve. There was a time when I didn’t want kids at all; as an entrepreneur, I couldn’t fathom doing both. Then once I became a mom, there was time when I wanted to stop working completely. When I had my son Mason (now almost 3.5), my natural foods company Gratisfied was not only in growth mode, but also experiencing some operational challenges. I didn’t get one day of maternity leave, and I spent the early months of having a newborn very burnt out. While it is so bittersweet that the business is winding down, I know deep down that it is time. If I am being honest, I have other passions and pursuits to explore.
Having a second baby has actually given me a sense of permission. Again, I thought it would be the other way around. More children means less time. But as I mentioned, I haven’t found this to be the case. Maybe it is also having a girl, and the femininity of this experience as the astrologer predicted. Without getting into the nitty gritty, I have a complicated relationship with my own mom, so there may be something about having a girl that heals that too. When I look at her, I think how much I want all of her dreams to come true; somehow that desire gets reflected back to me. This is perhaps the power of reparenting.
To whoever needs to hear this – if you are a mom with the belief that your dreams must be put on hold, it’s time to let that go. Allow motherhood to enhance what you love, rather than the other way around.
